This thing with the knee is just killing me. After walking on Saturday and taking an easy stroll with Missus last night I spent today in pain. Unfortunately I had to work and that entails walking around on a concrete floor and that simply did not help matters.
I am happy to report that my weight has dropped below 215 pounds. Not much below, I am at 214.8 just before dinner tonight, but I am willing to take it. I am just shy of 91 pounds down.
Still dealing with naysayers. Even just 4+ pounds from my goal I am listening to people tell me that 210 was too aggressive a goal…
Have a little faith folks….
I have to say. I am tired. The stress from the knee pain and the lack of really comfortable sleep is wearing me out. To find comfort I am finding myself fighting worse than typical urges to eat. There was a delicious looking apple cake at work and I was sorely tempted. I didn’t have any but it looked so good…
Lunch today was unusually light. I had just one package of tuna, 70 calories, instead of my typical two. I just wasn’t hungry but I knew I should have something..
I am really pushing now to get to the goal weight. I can see it, it is so close. I want to get there before the middle of August. Then the task is to keep it there. I am beginning to understand the dynamics of that so I am growing in my confidence that I can maintain the weight at the goal.
I was again giving some thought to how I would observe reaching the weight loss goal.
It is hard not to think about it when nearly everyone asks me that question.
Mostly they want to know what food I am going to go nuts with once I hit the goal. I find that an odd question. Sort of like asking an alcoholic what liquor he will drink when he hits a year sober.
I may have a special dinner. Maybe some shrimp cooked on the grill, a little rice and vegetables on the side. I may allow myself a 2000 calorie day. I won’t go hog-wild. I won’t have cake, or pie. Maybe I will defrost one of the Linzer Torte cookies….
See, here is the thing… This is how I eat now. I don’t splurge, indulge, overeat, gorge…. I eat. I eat well. I eat fish and vegetables and sometimes poultry and I have fruit and I eat the occasional bagel or English muffin… I love the way I eat. I don’t feel cheated, denied, deprived… I am not eating a monastic diet.
I indulged. For 50 years I indulged. For 50 years I was the one who angled to get the last slice, the last cup, the last of everything. If there were a few slices of London Broil left, no need to wrap them. I would eat them. A slice of cake left? I was the one that ate it. I was the one that cleaned the plate and went looking for more. Bagel day? I had two maybe three… Every off-site meeting at work had my mind thinking about where we would eat lunch every customer visit had me thinking about the lunch we would bring in. Dinner with friends? I was the one that knocked off the last of the appetizers…
I indulged and I got to be 310 pounds. I don’t need to indulge now. I need to not indulge.
I will be ecstatic when I get to my goal weight. Certainly 7 or 8 months is not a very long time to lose 95 or 96 pounds. It is fast all things considered. It feels like it has been a long time. To reach the goal…. To get to my target weight and to do it the way I have… This is a wonderful feeling and I know that I will get emotional when I hit the weight.
I know only what this Journey has been like for me. I do not know what others faced with a similar Journey might feel. Everyone is faced with their own demons, their own challenges. I do think that some things translate across.
- I have not accepted any excuses from myself or adopted the excuses others have offered me for use.
- I do this every day. I do not take days off because one becomes two and two becomes three and soon you find yourself restarting at the beginning…
- I exercise. I make sure of it.
- I do not blame anyone or anything for my weight that I do not see when I am alone looking in the mirror.
- I had to get my mind right at the same time I got my weight and fitness right or I would be back where I started from in no time at all.
Just my thoughts on the subject.