The first time I was truly embarrassed about my weight was while looking at pictures taken at the Bat Mitzvah of my cousins daughter.
The picture that really got to me was a picture with my three siblings and my Uncle.
To this day, thinking about that picture hurts.. In the picture I am enormous. I am fat. I stand out as fat, out of shape…
It took me years to do anything about it. But that picture… It just hurts….
My weight bounced around over the years. Up a few down a very few, up a few more…
This is hard. It is hard to talk about even after all these months of writing this blog.
I hated who I was, who I had become. I hated the feeling of being fat, standing out for all the wrong reason, being winded by the simplest things, not enjoying life…
I guess everyone has their own pace, their own moments. I had to find the right time. I had the reach a point where I was truly ready to change my life and change my health for the better.
December 27, 2011 was that time.
I will not rehash here all that I have done in the last 225 days.
I will tell you that every bit of struggle, every bit of pain, fear, angst, anxiety, every nightmare has been worth it.
Today I stepped on the scale and it read 209.2. I have surpassed my goal. I have dropped below 210 pounds for the first time since my Freshman year of college. I have reached a level I thought I would never see again.
I thought at times that I was destined to be one of those guys that was fat. A guy that people would say he should have taken better care of himself, he might still be around. I don’t know why I was resigned to this. I don’t know why anyone with all that I have in life would accept the probability of an early death but there I was, neglecting my health, eating myself in to obesity, accepting the consequences without a fight.
I have searched deeply to find the reasons for this. Not sure that I have truly found the answers yet. I do know that something in me clicked on December 27, 2011. Something in me said it was time to fix this.
I am under 210 pounds.
I am fit.
I am ready to keep going, still deeply committed to this plan of mine, this Journey.
I did not celebrate. I had a nice dinner. Red cabbage and Kale with yellow squash and a salad. A 4-ounce piece of flounder in a mustard sauce. Nothing special. No mad dash for the cheese platter. No celebratory slice of pepperoni pizza. This is fine with me. I am happy tonight, almost to the point of tears. I am feeling an emotional relief, a sense of purpose and focus.
Today I stepped on the scale and it said 209.2.
I have made it to the first truly significant mile marker in my Journey.
No one can call me fat now. No one.
And this means the world to me.