Perhaps tomorrow or a day or two later, I will step on the scale and I will see a number at or less than 205.6 lbs. I will have lost 100 pounds. I am at 206.6 right now and Have been for a few days. I actually bounced UP a few pounds but I knew that was a false number and it would come right back down and it did. So 206.6. Ninety-nine pounds down. Soon… 100… Then 106 pounds and I will see a weight of under 200 pounds.
What does it mean? Well first off it means that I had a lot of weight to lose when I started this Journey of mine. Secondly, it means I have done what I had set out to do: lose the weight. It means a great deal really. I have done this without a CRASH DIET, without surgery, without pills, hypnosis, or any other means other than concentration, commitment and an understanding that I had to learn to eat better and live better.
If it was easy….
Since the beginning of this Journey of mine I have been told by one person after another that I would not succeed. Aiming for the weight I was when I left for college, I was told, was too ambitious. I was told to aim small. Ten pounds or twenty. Then another ten pounds or twenty. I was told I was being too aggressive, trying to lose it too quickly. There were people who felt honor-bound to tell me about the rate of failure of diets, the people they knew who lost a lot of weight and gained it all back.
Will I gain it all back? Don’t know. It is impossible for me to tell you right now what will happen in the years to come. I know this: I am better equipped to keep it off than I was at any other time that I have tried to lose weight. I have lost more, lost it faster and lost it with less struggle than at any time prior. I love the way I eat now and it has become habit. I love walking and riding and hiking and I am thrilled to have those activities back in my life.
I have a plan and I have learned how to live on this plan and make this plan work for me.
I know that weight loss is a struggle. It has been a fight for me but less of one because I developed a way to fit good food, even great food, in to my life while keeping the calories low.
Support the friends and family that are fighting to lose the weight. Positive, not tales of the negative. Walk with them, encourage them, eat sensibly with them. They know, trust me they know, what the odds are. They have probably lost this fight a time or two or three or four.
I like WHO I see in the mirror
I will make a bold statement here, backed up only by my sense of these things and no data or research: Many people with weight issues have self-worth and emotional issues.
Have for years.
My whole life? Probably not, I was probably a well-adjusted newborn.
For maybe the first time in my life I am happy with WHO I see in the mirror, not just WHAT I see in the mirror.
I see the same thinner man who others see but for me that is secondary to seeing the person I always wanted me to be. Lean, athletic, healthy, fit. I had to learn to appreciate the person in the mirror. I had to learn that there had to be more than simply losing weight, there had to be growth as a person as well. Until I was comfortable in my skin I would never be able to keep the weight off.
I like who I see now.
On the Run
The strangest thing about my knee issue is it does not hurt when I run. At least it doesn’t hurt when I run the short distances I have run recently. I am going to try running a mile soon. I haven’t run a mile intentionally since High School. I was able to run a ¼ mile and I think I can push that to half a mile and see how I am doing from there. If I can run then I will have the exercise I need to replace cycling for now. I see the Orthopedist soon and then I will have a better feel for the future of my cycling but for now walking is not filling the void. Perhaps running will.
I think this fall, knee willing, I will go for a hike. An overnight hike. Maybe alone. I have a sense that I could use the time alone with my thoughts trekking through the woods. Another something that I have not done in many years that was simply out of the question a few months ago. I want to cross-country this winter. Maybe we will get some snow this year. A drive to western PA to ski the trails…
I am not sure why I have a desire to spend time in the deep woods alone….
Why I end my posts with PEACE
I wondered about this myself. Seemed like the right thing to put at the end of the posts. Most of my posts do end that way. But why?
I think it is because that is what, at its core, I have been looking for on my Journey. I have been looking for Peace. I have been looking for peace of mind, peace at heart, peace in life. I wanted to get away from the noise and clamor. I wanted to find the peace of mind I needed to lose the weight. I needed peace in my life so I could find my way along the Journey.
I have not found all that I am looking for, I am not all the way there. I know now that I am on the right roads, and trails, I am going in the right direction. I may never find it, not all of it, but I grow closer each day to what I seem to have been looking for all along