Here I am at 205 even now and I am still sweating it out. I still worry constantly that my weight will stagnate, I will eat too much, I might gain weight, I might get careless.
I have not been this weight in 30+ years, I have made a habit of eating right and getting exercise and I am still sweating it out.
As I inch towards my new goal of 200 pounds, I am fretting over the weight loss having slowed so much. Silly. I really have to adjust my brain.
I am obsessive about all this, I recognize that of course. I am sure that I am boring some friends with my talk about the weight loss.
I am slowly adjusting. I am growing accustomed to the new me. I will be able to find enough of the old and entertaining me in time. I just have to be this focused right now. I have to learn to stay the me that I am today. Patience friends. If you have never reinvented yourself….
So there will finally be a step forward with my knee issue. Surgery in October. As the cycling season is dead for me now anyway, I may as well get it done now so I can be ready come spring to ride again. It is annoying how the medical community is so bound over by the insurance companies. My Doctor knew from the get go that surgery was going to be needed but the insurance companies insist that for a grade one tear they must first try shots and therapy. When they don’t work the insurance jackasses approve the surgery. Time goes by, time is lost. Pain is endured…
At least now I have a way forward. The doctor will clean out the knee, fix the tears and I will be on my way to rehab. The doctor also wants to try “platelet-rich plasma therapy” as it is believed to speed recovery. He thinks he can get the insurance company to approve it as cycling is such a big part of my life and this is a sports related injury. They often will not approve it for people who are otherwise pretty sedentary…
Insurance companies…. I am not a fan but I cannot do without insurance..
The Spirits are Good
No black dog of late. Feeling good really. Work is hell and I am not a happy camper in my work life but how many of us are. Otherwise things go pretty well both in reality and in my head.
Best possible news about a person dear to me and her personal battle. Looks like she has won a decisive and resounding victory and I am hopeful that we can get together soon and CELEBRATE! If that doesn’t put a bounce in your step….
Might see another dear friend this coming holiday weekend. Fingers are crossed.
All of this tends to make the world seem like a better place to be.
The hardest part of the Journey has been not feeding the black dog.
I have learned a great deal about my emotions over these 9 months. I can regulate them better than ever before. That is to say, I can keep my emotions from over-running me. I would think that those close to me will tell you I am a happier person, less volatile, than they knew me to be in the past. Spend nine months learning who you are and things like this will happen.
I know this; I want a simpler life. I would like very much to shed the material stuff and get back to a more basic life. I have to look in to this….
I was in town to see the doctor anyway so I decided to stop in and see a business friend I had not seen in a year or so. On my way n to his place of business I saw a gentleman that worked for me for years and whom I had seen from time to time as he now works for the company I was visiting today.
They didn’t recognize me. These are people I have known for years. Eric, the president of the business, realized it was me after a moment. Kurt, my former employee, had to hear my voice. The office manager who has known me for 15 or more years, didn’t recognize me and when I said my name he eyes flew wide and she asked where my other half was!
I enjoy when that happens. Lifts my spirits..
I think I will call PGB. I am in the mood for a day in the woods. I will see if he is of the mind to join me at the Preserve. I don’t think the knee can handle the steep climbs of the local trails. The Preserve with its more gently rising trails would work better for me. In October I will have the knee fixed and then I will probably not be able to hike at all for a bit so it is now or wait for several months. I have all of September and a good slice of October to get in the hiking.
Planning. It is what I do.
I have not been walking as much after work as I would like. The concrete floors at work wear my knee out and by the end of the day it is throbbing. I think the soft trails underfoot would be a good thing. A ten-mile hike and a nice lunch along the Hudson. A therapeutic day. Three day weekend ahead. Need to find a way to get it done.
Now that the weight is off and the knee issue is planned out if not resolved, I am focusing more on the mental part of the Journey. I am now swinging in to the maintenance mode on my weight and starting to work on the maintenance part of my mind-set. How to keep my mind open and clear and content. I am exploring all avenues and ideas to find a good center. Focus at work, focus at home.
I heard a bit about it on the radio today and it struck a chord…