I haven’t been writing as much recently and I have missed quite a few days on my blog. The reason? Life has been difficult outside of the Journey. Family issues, work issues, life issues. Not much to write about the Journey and the weight loss when I am juggling chainsaws…
The simple fact of the matter is that maintaining the weight loss is nowhere near as interesting as losing the weight. It is much harder to do. Just not as interesting.
The struggle is the same. I still have to think about every single thing I eat. I still fight the good fight against the mind games. The mind would love for me to slip, start to stretch the calories too far, eat more than I should. My side of it is that I want to keep taking off the weight because it is what I have been doing for the last ten months and I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to stop because if I am not losing, it means I might start gaining and that scares me half to death.
The battle with the weight will never end. I will have to live this way for the rest of my days. I will have to fight this fight and I will have to win. Losing this fight and gaining back weight is not a scenario I am willing to live.
Today I partook of, for me, risky behavior. I made a vegetable calzone. For those unfamiliar, a calzone is pizza dough folded over filling. The filling can be almost anything. I made ours with eggplant (grilled, not fried) and baked purple potato, grilled onions and mushroom, a bit of tomato sauce and a little bit of cheese.
Then it baked in the oven.
Risky because we don’t eat that way anymore. I felt I could make a calzone that would fit in the plan and it did. 300 calories per serving and Missus and I each had one serving.
It was very good.
We fit it in the plan.
The thing for me though is that I know I am better off avoiding those foods entirely and yet I went and made one. I have to watch myself. I can’t allow the brain to start to win at its games….
Taking the steps….
As I can’t cycle and time is getting crunched on me, I decided I needed a treadmill. Or an Elliptical Trainer….
Shopped around and the prices were staggering.
SO I tried Freecycle. And I now have a 10-year-old NordicTrack Elliptical trainer. The Younger one and I went and picked it up today and we will assemble it tomorrow. Very excited. I can jump on it first thing in the AM and last thing at night and get in some work. It will not replace cycling but it will help keep the fitness up and the pounds off.
The Younger one wants to use it as well and maybe Missus will give it some use. Now to find somewhere to put this behemoth.
I am really glad to get this for free. It will help so much. And it helps the budget…
So today I ate a little over 2000 calories and other than picking up the Elliptical, I did almost nothing all day. Rain, humidity and a general grumpiness..
The 2000 calories is significant for me. I have had some trouble pushing my intake that high but 2 cups of fruit and a cup of Kashi cereal did the trick. Of course I am now certain I will weigh 300 pounds in the morning because I ate too much. Of course it isn’t too much. The brain is a funny thing.
Eating 2000 calories a day is nerve-wracking for me. I am so accustomed to 1500 a day. That extra food is hard for me to accept as a good thing. Still my weight is staying under 205 and that is good. I did peak at 207 the other day but then suddenly dropped back below 205 the next day. It is all dependent on what is still processing….
If I hit 210 I will go in to full-blown panic mode.
If I hit 198 I am calling my west coast brother to tell him I weigh less than he does!
2000 calories seems like some sort of mystical weight maintenance number. To me it is the gateway to hell… I know, I know, I really have to work on this….
One of the unpleasant reminders in life is the driver’s license picture. You are stuck with it in my state for 4 years. Fortunately for me, mine came due for renewal and I went off this morning to get my new THIN picture taken.
I love it. I am now no longer fat on my license!
That in of itself gives me a sense of renewal. It is as if an official stamp has been placed on my weight loss.
Going for a Walk
Tomorrow I am going for a walk. I may go by myself. I may take one of the hounds with me.. I think I will go to the preserve. I will walk for a few hours. Look at the vistas, listen to the quiet. I will perhaps stop for a bit and just rest.
I will certainly refresh. I need these times. The time in the woods. With a friend or on my own. I need the opportunity to imagine that the real world is no longer there. Just me, the trails, the woods, and the sounds of a simpler existence.
I am going for a walk. I will breathe in deeply, exhale fully, listen intently, look sharply, and feel better about the world when I am done.
As much a part of the Journey as the weight loss has been the time to get to know me again. To get reacquainted with the mind, the emotions, the passions that make me who I am. That is sometimes lost in the day to day of existing. It is sometimes lost when focusing so intently on a goal, such as the weight loss.
SO I am going for a walk.
I know what I hope I will find.