I started this Journey not really understanding at the time that it was a Journey.
I was going to lose weight and get fit. So many people say that. So many people try. So many people….
I was so tired of being FAT. I hated it. I hated the way I looked. I hated the way I felt. I hated the problems associated with being FAT.
I was determined that this time I would not fail. I would not only lose the weight I would get fit and I would learn to keep it off.
From nearly the beginning I was determined to get to 210 pounds. I wanted to take off 95 pounds. I thought that 210 would be a good solid weight for me and I would be able to maintain it. I figured I would feel better, fit in to clothes I had not worn in many, many, many years…..
I knew it was ambitious. I knew it was a long way to go. I also knew in my heart I could do it if I could figure out the plan. Set the Goal, develop the plan, work the plan, adjust the plan, achieve the goal…. That is what I have said since I started this blog.
I told Missus one day that if I could just TOUCH 210 and settle in at 215 I would be pleased with that. Then I was angry with myself for bargaining already. Giving myself an OUT. 210 but really 215…. I settled back in, I worked HARD at the fitness: cycling, walking, hiking… I ate right, never once giving myself a day off, a cheat day, a day to let loose and really chow down. Not even at my friend’s wedding. I made sure I stuck with the plan. I never had a single day of more than 2600 calories. Not once. I have averaged 1700 calories a day for the last 267 days.
I watched as the weight came off and the fitness improved. It has improved to the point that the Doctor wants to try slowly taking me off the Blood Pressure medicines.
As my weight dropped from 305.6 to 290, 280, 270… I felt good about it. My confidence grew and I grew more comfortable with the plan. I felt that the 210 would happen for sure. I KNEW that 210 was within my reach.
I was sure when I hurt my knee in June that I would start to struggle but I found I could still walk and even hike a little if I took easy trails and didn’t push too hard.
The weight continued to fall.
But I never really believed that I could make it all the way to 200. I thought that was a few pounds too far, too hard, too crazy….
Finally 210 came and went. I stepped on the scale one morning and I saw 209.8. I had done it. I had reached my weight goal! No celebration. No Indulgence. No BIG dinner or decadent breakfast…
Yes, I had a couple of slices of pizza a few weeks ago to mark the occasion. I fit it in to an 1800 calorie day.
The weight continued to march in retreat.
A week or so ago I stepped on the scale and saw 200.6. Exactly 105 pounds. I had lost EXACTLY 105 pounds. I figured that would be the low mark. I would settle in nicely now at 200-205. Happy to be here, the weather is fine….
Still, I stayed on the plan. I did not allow even one day of indulgence. . I had a nice sushi lunch on Sunday. Part of a 1900 calorie day. Smoked Turkey the day before fit in to a 2000 calorie day. Still not indulging. Not going overboard, not rewarding myself. I had ramped up the calories to 2000 so I could start to transition to a maintenance level.
I saw the weight bob up a little; 205, 206. Then drop again to 201, 202. I expect this. It has more to do with what is happening inside than actual weight gain… I was not concerned. Stick with the plan. Make the plan work.
Today I saw something I have not seen since High School. I am a place I have not been in perhaps 34 years.
I am under 200 pounds.
I never really thought I would be here. Thought that I would lose steam, get complacent, settle in at 205 and fight to stay there. I didn’t know that I had learned all that I have learned. I didn’t know that I had this in me; this ability to learn a new way to eat, to act, to live. I didn’t know that staying fit and doing what I need to stay fit would become such a passion for me. I didn’t realize that I had in me the drive to make this a part of my life, as seemingly inseparable from me as my blue-grey eyes.
At a company cookout today I was presented with so many food options: sausage and pepper, hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, macaroni salad…..
I had a piece of chicken, a roll, and some rice. 533 calories from my estimation…
I was happy with it. It came naturally. It was not a struggle to walk away from foods I would have eaten to the point of pain just 10 months ago.
I have come so far. I have learned so much. Learned about my motivations, my emotions, my drive, my needs and wants. I have learned about my appetites, my tastes, my control.
I never really thought I would be here.
But I am.
And I am not leaving.