I won’t hide the facts…. It is a battle. This boredom thing… work is great, I am busy all day and engaged and I love it. A good breakfast, a light lunch, a couple of trail mix bars in between and before the end of the day and then dinner. Then it is time alone in the hotel room and I am fighting it. I have decided to not have any food in the room with me to prevent the nibbling that might result…
I am fighting urges to eat much worse than at any time on my Journey. I am winning but it is difficult. I work out most nights. I did an hour last night, a half an hour today. I walk a great deal at work; I try to keep my mind occupied when I am at the hotel room. Doesn’t help that the room key card has an ad for Domino’s pizza on it…
I am at 198 right now and I am fighting to stay below 200. The mind really plays games….
I have 5 days at home-coming up… LOVE IT! Time with family, time to get work done on the house, time to ride the bike. I bought cold weather riding gear…. Nice… Rode yesterday for 16+ miles. Forgot to cover the ears…. Silly. Planning a hike for Saturday…. MT and PGB, trails in New York State… Will be fun.
This is what it is. Plan, work, and work the plan… Stay busy, fight the urges.
Someone said that gaining ten pounds over the winter is OK, to be expected… Not for me. It will not be ok and I will fight it with every weapon in my arsenal. I am not willing to accept any sort of weight gain. I won’t. I lost 19 pounds last January, 15 more in February. No way do I accept gaining weight this winter.
As long as I can get at a fitness room, climb stairs, stay away from overeating… I will not gain weight. It just will not happen. When clothes don’t fit me now it is because they are too big on me. I am not willing to go the other way. I donated all my FAT clothes. I am not buying new ones.
If I allow any other mindset to creep in, any thoughts of resigning myself to any failure, any sort of weight gain then I have lost the fight and that will not happen. This Journey will not be one of retrenching. I will now maintain my weight and build my fitness because there is simply no alternative to this. The alternative is being the FAT MAN again. I am not going back to him.
IT is a battle. This Journey is a battle. It is also a wonderful. There are moments… Sitting in my room I look up and see my reflection. I see the thinner man I am now. I see the look of surprise in the eyes of friends and family. It is wonderful to go on a hike and have to slow down for others. It is wonderful to get on the bike and ride 15, 20, 50 miles…. It is a battle. It is a wonderful Journey of self exploration and discovery and self-realization. It is pure joy. It is angst and frustration. It is fear and courage and depression and exultation.
I want never to walk the roads I have traveled again but I cannot think of a better Journey to have taken.
I battle the hunger. Part of the issues I am having is that I have found little time to write my blog and the blog serves so well as inspiration and support and encouragement for me. I will find the time each night to write as I had been. This is support I need.
SO I am maintaining the weight and fearing gaining… I suppose this is at least in part because I am not losing weight now and that scares me. As long as the weight was coming off it was not being put on. Now that I am trying to maintain the risk is the pendulum swings the other way and I start to gain.
Now to sleep