For many people the weight loss is the goal. Once the target weight is met the diet goes, the exercise goes, the fitness goes and the weight starts to come back. The challenge is to make it a life style choice and not a diet. That is what I have been doing all along.
Today snow is in the forecast so I am not hiking as I had hoped to. I will go for a walk shortly. Walk to the high school, walk a few laps, do a few bleacher-sets and then walk back home. Yes, it is cold. Yes it is gray… This is the weather I faced when I started this Journey.
Much less drama in my life right now. I am at my goal weight, a little below 200 pounds, a little above 195. I am feeling good. The knee is OK, not great, it will never be great, but good. I am able to do things now that I couldn’t a year ago. I get anxious when the weather or my schedule prevents me from hiking or cycling or walking…
Life changes, people change. I can’t say I will never be fat again. I can tell you, I think I have developed the tools to not be fat again…
My mental image of myself is still that of a fat man. Not sure if that will ever change or if it should. If I continue to think of myself as fat I will continue to fight the battle… At least that is how I think about it right now.
I find that I still have so much to learn and to understand about how to do this. The losing part was easy: eat less, move more. The maintaining part is scary. It is uncharted territory. Look on-line: much advice about taking it off. Precious little about keeping it off.
I know that I cannot go back to the way I used to eat and that will not be an issue. Commercials for fast-food restaurants make me ill. I am not going back to being Wendy’s best customer…
The most important thing for me is to avoid snacking and nibbling.
So now what? Keep doing what I am doing and react to any weight gain aggressively and to stay active…
Still have the Nightmares
A couple of days ago Missus (who has lost 74 pounds) told me she had a nightmare where she had gained all the weight back in one day and her clothes were so tight that she shouldn’t take them off.
I have similar nightmares. I dream that all of this, the Journey, the blog, the fitness, the weight loss, have all been part of a long dream and I awaken (in the dream) to find that not only have I not lost weight but I have in fact gotten heavier overnight.
Are these dream common for people who have lost a great deal of weight?
I think as long as I am having the nightmares I may as well use them as motivation and that is what I try to do. Everything for me is about staying focused, staying motivated. It is all about the goal of staying fit.
Maybe the nightmares are good things.
Dear Negative Jackass
I had just met this fellow. The new boyfriend of a friend. His girlfriend, a woman my age, the widow of a childhood friend, hadn’t seen me since I started the Journey, hadn’t seen me since the day I saw my reflection. She exclaimed how great I looked and then explained to her new fellow that I had lost a great deal of weight and the usual conversation followed. Then he said, very matter of fact, that I would gain it back. He had lost 25 pounds (he was not a heavy man) and he had gained it all back. Everyone does (he explained to me).
Where do these people come from and why do they think they need to tell me I will ultimately fail?
So here is a letter to all the Negative Jackasses:
Can I tell you I will not gain the weight back? No, but I can tell you that I will continue to work this plan and continue to work towards the goal because I am determined to prevent failure. I do not need your negativity. I do not need your cautionary tales.
What I need is your congratulations, your pat on the pack. Your understanding of just how hard this fight is would be nice. If you can offer nothing else I would appreciate the smile of understanding.
Your failure will not be mine any more than my success or failure can be yours. I embarked on my Journey for my reasons and I got where I am through my focus and my determination to make a better life for myself and my family and I hope, by some extension, my friends.
I have moved mountains to get here. I changed 50+ years of bad habits, attitudes, ideas, understandings. I had to overcome fears the likes of which I cannot help you understand because I do not understand them myself. One of those fears is the fear of failure.
I went hiking with friends when I knew that I would be in pain and exhausted and embarrassed because they would have to slow down and wait for me. I have stood at the bottom of the mountain and fought the panic rising in me and taken that step up the hill, and then the second and then the third…
I have sat in my home office and cried because my belly got in the way of riding my bike. I have pushed away plates of food and I have given up foods I love. I have fought impulses and closed the refrigerator when all I wanted in life at that moment was a peanut butter and Jelly sandwich. I have fought against failure all the way along. Negativity I can generate on my own. I have generated plenty during this Journey.
Don’t tell me I WILL fail or MAY fail. I know that. I have failed before. I have lost it and gained it and lost it and gained it again. Everyone who has ever lost weight knows the risk of failure, the likelihood of failure. We need, we want, are positives as we go along this Journey. If you can’t offer support please just shut up.
There, I feel better now.
Fear and Anxiety
Along with the nightmares, I do have the same fears and anxieties I have battled all along. I fear gaining weight and now that I am on my maintenance mode I am even more fearful. I am anxious about everything I eat and this is no way to live. I am working my way through it but it is difficult. How do you get past this?
Here are my planned rides for the coming year (more to be added as they pop up)
- Five-Boro Bike Tour (May 2013)
- Tour of Montreal (June 2013)
- Ride 4 Autism (June 2013)
- Revolutionary Ramble (June 2013)
- Ramapo Rally (August 2013, possibly just Volunteer)
- North-Fork Century (August 2013)
- Hub On Wheels (September 2013)
- Ashford (CT) Metric Century (September 2013)
I hope there will be more but we will see. Come ride along….