June 17, 2013
Next Sunday will be one year since I tore the meniscus and two ligaments in my right knee.
Why not wait until the anniversary to write about it? Because yesterday I rode my bike over many of the same roads I rode the day I tore up the knee. That day, June 23, 2012, I was 22 miles in to a 50 mile ride when I got hurt. I was not riding particularly well but I was mostly keeping up with the group and I was not the only one who had to walk up Vreeland Avenue.
Yesterday I ride with my boss at the bike shop and one other fellow. They are both stronger riders than I am and they had to wait up for me a couple of times. I was not riding particularly well but I had some good moments. I paced my boss up a hill and rode that one hill very well. I struggled on Vreeland Avenue BUT I DID NOT HAVE TO WALK IT.
This ride was only a little under 25 miles, not the 50 mile ride I was on nearly a year ago. I have ridden further than that and I do so on a regular basis. But Sunday was a 25 mile ride and I was not riding well and…. But I didn’t walk Vreeland Avenue.
On June 17, 2012 I weighed 225 pounds. I am 25 less now. One year ago I was still taking the weight off, still getting in to shape. I was walking long hills.
I didn’t have to walk Vreeland Avenue yesterday.
And I finished the ride in good health. This is a good thing.
Next week I may ride with the early group on the shop ride. They ride hard and fast. If they drop me that will be fine. I need to ride with better riders riding at a brisk pace if I am to get stronger as a rider myself.
I would not have dreamed of that ride just one year ago… Now I think it may be time…
Acknowledging the Changes
I have changed the title of the blog a little. A FAT MAN’S JOURNEY (OK, NOT SO FAT NOW…) Really more like adding a subtitle…
Why? Well, I suppose it is to reflect the changes in me. I do not have a fat body any more. I am still, inside, in my mind, emotionally, a fat man. The body on the other hand….. Well, simply put…. I am not fat.
I remember when I wrote a blog post as I crossed under my goal weight of 210 pounds. I remember that rather than exultation at reaching the goal weight, I felt relief. Not relief as in the pursuit is over but rather relief that no one could look at me and say I was fat. I could not be called a fat man anymore. I was simply not fat. I was almost in tears as I wrote those words. I didn’t realize just how much being “the fat man” hurt until I wrote those words and the tears started to falls.
So I have added the subtitle. I am not fat. I am not ever sort of fat. Not on the outside. Not where you can see. Inside, in my emotional self I am still the fat man. Still afraid of being called fat, being made fun of, being afraid of being embarrassed by not fitting in a seat, standing out due to my size.
The subtitle s a start for me. An acknowledgement of the change.
Tonight we had a really nice vegetarian dinner. Most of our dinners are vegetarian come think of it.. Anyway. Tonight I grilled Kabocha, sweet potato, and plantain. Missus roasted golden and red beets and I took the greens from the beets and chopped them up with some onion and red pepper. I steamed them in a foil pouch on the grill.
All very tasty, very nutritious, very healthy. We sat on the back deck and relaxed and enjoyed the meal.
The Younger and I discussed science and school and had one of the more grownup conversations we have had to date. He is a bright kid.
The dogs romped about on the deck; Casey chasing birds, Cody wondering what is wrong with Casey…
It was a joy.
Life can be that way.