Today marks one year to the day that I stepped on the scale and I weighed less than 210 pounds. I had reached and passed my goal weight some 225 days after starting on this Journey. Ninety-five Plus pounds had come off my body and I had shrunk from a 48-inch waist to a 34. I went from XXLT shirts to Large. Even my feet had shrunk.
And now it is one year later. I have not been back over 210 since August 7, 2012. I have hovered for the most part around 203 pounds. I am 204 pounds this morning.
I have learned to control my eating, measure my foods, count my calories, and get my exercise…
It has been at times difficult, easy, frustrating, confusing, joyful, comforting and frightening. Only someone who has been on a similar journey can understand.
I will not celebrate. It is just another day on the journey for me. Sometime next week PGB and I will get together and have some Pizza at “The Reservoir Tavern”. I will have two slices and PGB will take the rest home. My once a year pizza…
I have never kept weight off this long. I always gained it back. I always failed. This time I am not losing sight of the risks. I am not changing my plan now that I am at the goal weight for a day or a week or a year, or ten years.
I am happy. I made a year. I am determined that it will be two, then five, then ten years. It is how I will live and who I will be.
This is the first anniversary of many.
Since the sad news about my old friend I have been in a quiet and contemplative mood. It has made writing the blog a challenge because I am trying not to dwell on this here in the blog.
The fact is that CJH and I were nowhere near as close as we had been years ago. Time and obligations and changes in life made it harder to get together and so we saw each other much less often and rarely just the two of us but that did not change the deep affection I had for him as a friend.
He was overjoyed when he saw me after I had reached the goal weight. He was so happy to see his old friend taking care of himself and getting fit.
Why didn’t he? Why did he not take care of himself, get fit, and lose weight?
Why do we have to say goodbye to this old friend as soon?
I have been called an “inspiration” by people I may never meet who are kind enough to read this blog or visit the Facebook page. I hope there is at least one person out there who has taken this inspiration to heart and is now on a path to being fit and healthy.
Why didn’t I inspire my old friend? Why didn’t he take inspiration from me? He, who knew me so well and saw the weight loss and the fitness up close, why didn’t his path change?
I am being selfish of course. I am grieving and I am angry that I have to grieve. I am sad, profoundly sad, that my old friend is gone and I will not have the chance to build the friendship back to where it was all those years ago.
His family’s loss is far more devastating than mine. I have not lost sight of that fact and I am hurting for them. It is a loss for all who knew him. None feel the loss more than his wife and children and his siblings. And this adds to my grief and my inner turmoil that he did not take better care.
If I inspire you I am glad. I hope that the inspiration you take from this blog and from others and from friends and family who are making similar journeys will convince you to start the journey as well.
So today is a day of satisfaction at having reached the year mark since I hit the goal weight. It is a day of sad contemplation as I prepare to attend the wake for my old friend.
This mixture is not unusual. We all have those times in our life where we are at odds with ourselves over a mixture of emotions.
If my post today is odd and disjointed, a mixture of highs and lows, it is because that is how I am feeling today. That has always been what this blog is about: My feelings. Today my feelings are mixed.