Things I don’t need to do but still do…..
When I was FAT I developed compensations for my size and lack of mobility and flexibility. For instance I would grab my pants leg at the bottom cuff to pull my leg us so I could put on my socks. It was hard to cross my legs otherwise and my belly got in the way of putting the socks on any other way. This is no longer an issue for me. I can cross my legs easily now and I have no belly in the way of any other position for putting on socks, and yet this morning I caught myself pulling my leg up by the pants leg cuff just as I did when I was FAT. Old habits are hard to break.
I also find that once in a while, particularly when still half asleep, I will still swing my leg hard to propel myself in to a sitting position. Now without the weight I find that I swing PAST the sitting position and I am sure that it is something comical to see…
I have many other little compensations like these. I catch myself falling into them even though they no longer fit a need.
I suck in my gut when squeezing through a narrow area even though the amount of room is much more than I need. I wonder if everyone does that no matter how skinny…..
It just all points to the little things we learn to do to cope with life.
I don’t know if there are little things lean people do….
I still find myself overcompensating. I sometimes use more force than needed to get up from a chair and find myself stumbling forward from the effort. Silly. I would guess that this will balance out in time…
Constantly Weighing Myself
This is certainly past the point of a healthy obsession.
I weigh myself every single morning. That is SOMEWHAT normal. I also record that weight every single morning. Ok, that borders on the obsessive. I also weigh myself throughout the day on the shipping scale at work and that is nuts.
This morning on the scale at home I was 202 pounds. Fully clothed at work, after breakfast and coffee I am 207. Those five pounds are normal. How do I know it is normal? Because I am always five pounds more on the scale at work fully clothed after breakfast and coffee and I know this because I weigh myself on the scale at work probably 6 or 7 times a day.
This cannot be considered a healthy thing.
The positive of this is that I stay focused on how much I eat.
The negative is the preoccupation with my weight to such a degree that I weigh myself as many as ten times a day. I weigh myself at home, at work and then as soon as I get home again and then before bed.
Do I think I will suddenly gain 100 pounds back on the drive to work?
If I only weighed myself once a week do I really think I would gain back ten pounds in that week simply because I didn’t know what I weighed ever hour?
This weighing myself is beyond the range of habit at this point and has crossed in to unhealthy obsession. It isn’t negatively affecting me yet but like the person who starts “Jonesing” at a meeting for their cigarette, I can see a day where I will start to get antsy because I ate lunch ten minutes ago and I haven’t stepped on the scale yet to make sure I didn’t put 50 pounds on from that veggie wrap.
Of course part of it is I just like seeing the low numbers J
“Scale Addicts Anonymous” here I come….
This is another thing I do. I plan constantly. I rarely do anything spontaneously. I plan my meals. I plan my sleep. I plan my rides, my work, my rest…
If we go for a family car trip I am planning exactly where and when we will stop for lunch so I know if there is anything I can eat at the places available… Nothing spontaneous.
All rooted in a deep fear of gaining any weight back. I am not willing to see my weight above 205. I am pathological about maintaining it below that weight. I had pizza last week so I starved myself that day and the day after to make sure the demon pizza did not suddenly become so much as one pound extra on the scale. Now, when I say starved I am indulging in a little hyperbole, but not much. I had 1600 calories the day before the pizza. I had 1500 the day after. The day I had the pizza I had 2200 calories.
I weighed less a day after the pizza than I did the day before.
Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.
Example: Planning for weeks to eat two slices of pizza because of a fear of gaining weight.
So I have an obsession with planning everything.
At least I am still lean…
I need to relax a little. Not much. Just a little….
Speaking of Planning…
I plan. That doesn’t mean the plans always work out. Or even often work out…
This weekend, I PLAN to get in some serious miles on my bike.
If I can get out of bed early enough I will go on a 30 mile ride before working at the bike shop. I need to be on the road by 6:45 to make sure I can get the miles in, get home, shower up and get to work. Sunday I will ride the 18 miles to the shop and then ride 30 as part of the shop ride.
I need to get the miles in if I am to do the NYC Century on September 8. Here is another place where plans have gone awry. The plan was for NI and I to ride together. We enjoy riding together, ride at about the same level and are good at encouraging one another. That was the plan. Plans get changed. NI is now not able to come down due to work requirements. This means I am trying to find a cycling partner for the ride. If I don’t find one it means I will be riding my first Century essentially solo in a group of hundreds or thousands.
Such is life.
The accomplishment will be the same but it is always good to have someone there with whom to share the experience.
I am at 1827 miles on the bike this year. I still hope to get to 3000 but I can see the time running thin. Plans…