How Far, How Very Far
Yesterday I passed 2,200 miles cycled for the year. I had hoped for more. The busy weekdays and working weekends… Well, you know…. It isn’t always easy…
Still… 2,200 miles cycled so far this year. Not at all bad. I will probably get in another 250-300 miles before I hang up the bike for the year. 2,500 miles for the year would be so nice.
How far I have come since I could barely walk around the high school track. How far I have traveled beyond these 2,500 miles.
The weekend of September 21-22 I rode nearly 100 miles on rides in Hartford and Boston. The weekend past I took it easy on myself and I rode 42 miles on Sunday. I now ride 50 miles as a matter of course and don’t even think twice about it. I know I can do it. It is not a hard thing for me.
Next weekend I will ride a 50-mile charity ride with two fellows at the shop whose combined age is barely more than mine alone… They are very good riders, strong, fast, skilled, YOUNG….
I will do my best to keep up but I have told them not to concern themselves with dropping me if they want to ride faster… I am a big boy, I will find my way.
The point is that I can consider riding with them and I am in condition to regularly ride 50 miles without even thinking about if I can do it. I used to set 50 miles as my goal. Now it is my expectation.
When I was fat and just starting my Journey I thought about riding 10 miles. When I go there I was thinking about 20 miles and how hard that would be. Soon I was worrying about 40 miles and then 50. Now I don’t worry about 75. I don’t even worry about 100. I know it will be a challenge but I also know I am up to it and will be able to do it.
How far I have traveled to get to 2,200 miles. It goes so far beyond the miles on the bike. It is the changing of the mind, the body… It is the confronting of ancient ghosts in haunted recesses of a deeply scared psyche.
How far, how very far I have come I will never be able to fully explain.
About Losing Weight
IT is HARD. It can be damned hard but it can be done. No human body has yet figured out how to not lose weight. It will fight to keep the weight. It will make you WANT to eat, need to eat. It will trick your brain into eating more than you think you did but if you consume less than you burn you will lose weight.
But it is damned hard.
Harder than losing it is keeping it off.
I am still at or under 205 pounds. I sometimes peak a bit above. I sometimes drop a few pounds below. I am staying between 200 and 205 and the only way I have been able to do that it is to stay on top of it at all times. I don’t see any options. I am not going to get fat again and I make sure that I don’t by counting every calorie and measuring every activity. I use my FITBIT every single day. If I forget it I am depressed because I won’t know for sure that I burned the calories I need to burn….. If I forget to wear it on a bike ride it feels like the calories burned on the ride don’t count. SILLY, I KNOW.
I concentrate so much on losing the weight and keeping it off.
Because it is hard. It is damned hard.
This is about more than maintaining a steady weight. It is about keeping the emotions and the mind steady. It is about finding a comfort level in life as well as in body. Staying steady.
I want the weight to stay steady. I want the mind to stay steady. I am working to eliminate the highs and lows in my weight. Staying steady at 200-205. Next spring will be time to take off the next ten pounds. For now I want to stay steady.
I want the mind to stay steady. I want the black dog to stay away. I would like to not be so quick to anger. My moods rise and fall so quickly it must be like watching a roller coaster unless you are stuck on the ride with me. I am working on maintaining a more even mood. Staying steady.