This is getting to me
Winter is getting to me.
It feels like it is never ending. Bitter cold. Wind. Snow.
It seems like a bad dream…
I can’t get outside and enjoy. Time is a constraint. I can’t take the time to go cross country skiing. The weather won’t let me ride. I am not enjoying this one little bit
I am feeling the winter blues.
I have been drifting this way for two years. It started with the decision in March 2012 to no longer eat red meats. Slowly I drifted away from eating poultry. There was no decision in this case. I just drifted away from it. I cannot remember the last time I had poultry….
Slowly vegetarian dishes replaced the fish dishes and now I have fish only once a week or so.
I have never been healthier. Blood pressure, cholesterol, hear rate… All my blood numbers are great.
So why not go all the way? The only dairy I consume is the milk in my coffee and on my cereal and cream cheese on my bagel. Once in a while I have some cheese on my veggie burger….
I could go all the way to vegetarian. Fact is it would not be hard for me to go vegan. I really don’t want to give up cream cheese and lox. Yep. That is it. The only reason I have not gone vegetarian is lox and the reason I don’t go vegan is lox and cream cheese.
Strange reasons to not do it but I am not ready to give up those two foods.
I am Still a fat man.
I have taken some heat for this but I will say it again anyway:
Being obese is like being an alcoholic.
Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.
Once a fat man, always a fat man.
I am not longer medically obese. Not at 210 pounds and 73 inches. Not medically. Not officially. Not on the insurance forms…
But I am inside. In the makeup of my body and my brain I am still Obese. My body, my brain still craves much more food than I eat. I am still prone to overeat if I don’t pay strict attention. I am still sorely tempted to eat that donut, have that pizza, eat 10 cookies…
I know very well how easily the weight comes back. Much faster than it comes off.
I can’t for a minute stop thinking about it. I sit down to a meal and I have to plan it out. Every bit that I order. Every morsel that I eat. I have to plan it.
If I don’t I gain weight. Simple as that.
With this winter, with the inter blues and the lack of exercise, and all the other reasons, excuses, explanations, causes….
I gained 8 pounds. It happened FAST.
I looked away for a moment and the moment was 8 pounds on me.
I drifted up slowly from 205 to 208 and suddenly I was looking at 216.
I am now back to 212.
It is going the right way again.
It happened so fast.
I have no excuses. I simply lost sight for a brief moment. I stopped thinking, focusing, watching…
Back at it.
My goal is to be 205 on my birthday in March.
This is never going to end, this Journey of mine.
I’m Ok with that.