This is not easy
I have been hiking. I walked 8 miles a week ago at the Rockefeller Preserve. Done some other light hikes of shorter distances. Did a short ride a few weeks ago. A little time on my trainer as well.
I have been cutting back on my calories. A little less here and there. The weight is slowly moving in the right direction.
This is a struggle. Not the hiking. The only issue there is putting on the boots and going. That is fine. I enjoy it.
It is the bike.
It takes quite a bit of will to get on the bike. I am so afraid of pain. Not the pain of riding hard and getting the legs to do their job. No, that pain I welcome. That is the pain of progress and I get a thrill out of overcoming that pain.
It is the shoulder. For more than two years I have been dealing with shoulder pain. It became markedly worse after the crash in 2014 but there was pain before that.
And now I have the post surgical pain.
Getting on the bike….
Fear. I admit it. Fear. I know that the shoulder is healing and the Doctor told me to go ahead and ride but I also know that the shoulder still hurts and even though my experience thus far has been positive with no additional pain due to the time on the bike I have fear and it is a struggle for me to overcome it.
I did 15 minutes on the trainer last night. No pain to speak of. Stiffness in the shoulder today but I get that without riding the trainer…
I guess I just have to get my head around it and push past it. Not easy
Getting back to the place I belong
I drifted away from The Plan. I started eating more. I was still eating the right foods. I was just eating more. And more. And more.
Forty pounds can come back so fast.
I am doing the right things now. Recording the weight. Writing my blog. Eating correctly and the right amounts. And I am starting to exercise again.
I never want to go back to where I was. It frightens me to think how easily 40 pounds came back.
What have I learned? I have learned that it is desperately difficult to keep the weight off but it can be done.
I have also learned to listen more to myself. So many people said I should allow the occasional indulgence. Sort of like telling an alcoholic that the occasional drink is OK.
And that is another thing….
We seem so understanding of the difficulties an alcoholic encounters staying sober. We can understand the struggle of the addict.
Why is it so difficult to understand the struggle of an over-eater?
I am back on The Plan. I am staying on The Plan.
Spring is not far away. I will be ready to ride. I will get past this fear and I will take the weight off and I will keep it off.
The Plan. The Journey. They are inextricably linked.