A Fat Man's Journey (Working my way back…)

An Attempt to Journey from Fat to Fit in a Lifetime. Eat right, Eat less, Move more


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Monday Night by the desk lamp light


My mood is slowly lifting.

I can almost see daylight ahead.

This past week I decided to muscle my way past this sinus thing or whatever it is. I got on the trainer four times, Monday and Wednesday for 45 minutes each and Saturday and Sunday for 30 minutes.

I had to push myself to get on it. Pushing past The Black Dog is the harder than pushing past the sinus thing.

Once I got on and started to pedal I could feel the mood lifting. Something about pedaling…

I would prefer I was pedaling outside. Could have Friday night as the weather was favorable. The traffic in my area kept me inside. Friday night in North Jersey this time of year is not safe ride time. Many cars, a low angle to the sun, tired drivers trying to get home for the weekend… Well, it can get ugly.

So I rode this week inside. 45 minutes. Twice. Half an hour twice. Nothing to brag about but I am glad to have done it. It lifts my mood.

The weight is coming back down

My weight went up a bit during the winter months. All the excuses fit. Now it is coming back down. Three pounds in the last week. It feels good to know that I have started to reverse the trend.

It is not falling that is bad. It is failing to get back up.

I got back up.

The food consumption is back under control and I am ready to start the riding again and that will all add up to getting back below my goal weight (only 4 pounds away) and then to get down to 200 lbs again. I am sure of it. I KNOW it will happen.

This is the biggest change for me over the last year. I do not believe that a few pounds gained is failure but a warning. Something to act upon, not something that signals a return to obesity.

That will not happen. I will never again be obese.

The weight is coming back down. As it should.

Staying Not Fat.

This is my greatest fear

This is my greatest fear

I failed. Many times. In 1998. In 2002. In 2005. In 2010.

I failed. I lost weight and I gained it back. The pounds were so happy to be back that they invited ten or twenty more of their friends along each time.

I failed for a long list of reasons.

I think I know the leading reason.

I expected weight loss to be easy.

I wanted magic bullets, easy diet plans. I wanted to lose the weight and I didn’t want to work at it.

Eating right, changing food habits for the better, exercising to keep the metabolism high and improve the fitness level, is how to lose weight and keep it off.

I think the most commons sentence spoken by dieters goes something like this: “now that I am back on (weight-watchers, Jenny Craig etc.) I know I will get back to my goal weight”.

Just my point of view. Eat right, eat less, move more.

The High and the Low.

The high was Saturday night when I received a text message from my nephew that he and his lady had welcomed in to this world their first child, a daughter. My first-born nephew now had a first-born. The next generation has arrived. My brother is a Grandfather. I am a Grand-Uncle. I am overjoyed. If my nephew is as good a father to his daughter as my brother has been to his son, then my grand-niece will do alright in this world.

The low was the news earlier in the day that my Aunt, the sister of my father and the only Aunt I have, has cancer. It is treatable, not curable. My Aunt is otherwise a healthy person who takes care of herself and the doctors are optimistic that she will live a normal life expectancy with a good quality of life. Still…. This is my Aunt. I am quite fond of her and I am pained that she is dealing with this and I am pained that my cousins face all that the word “cancer” brings with it.

Over the last several years there has been an imbalance between the highs and the lows. More funerals, cancer battles, heart attacks, and health scares than warranted by the normal turn of the calendar pages, and not enough engagements, weddings, births, and graduations.

Maybe now, with the birth of my Grand-Niece and maybe some engagements and weddings on the horizon, maybe now, with the generation after mine starting to create lives of their own and a generation to follow them, maybe now life will find a balance.

Bikes

Riding my Synapse is good for my synapse.  Getting ready for this evening's ride

Riding my Synapse is good for my synapse. The day I turned 53

Cycling has added immeasurably to my life. The fitness? Yes. The fitness. The joy of being on the road? Yes, the joy of being on the road. More.

Friendships.

I am on Facebook as most of you must know. I am an administrator for two cycling themed pages on Facebook. Through these pages I have made a few friendships, notably NI, whom I count among my close friends. Well, as close as the 235 miles between our homes allows. Several others. DK, whom I have not actually met, but with whom I have chatted about bikes and I think my advice was helpful as she selected a new ride, and so on.

Closer to home, there are the friendships I have made at the bike shop, both with co-workers and customers.

There is this shared interest of course. The cycling. The bikes. There is more to it than that I think. There is something about bike people. There is the “come ride with me” approach to things. Even a solo rider, as I am most of the time, welcomes the rider who comes along and rides with them for a bit until they come to the fork in the road and one goes left and the other goes right and they part with a shared “enjoy your ride”.

Are there riders who are jerks? Of course there are and we have all ridden with one or two from time to time, but most are not. Most are earnest in their efforts, friendly in their demeanor and welcoming. I have rarely met the experienced rider who is not willing to share some advice, offer some encouragement or, literally, help push you up the hill.

I am an enthusiastic rider and I am knowledgeable to a degree. Still, I learn a great deal every time I ride with KE, NP, BP and CB and many others from the shop. I am inspired by their skills, energized by the challenge of riding well with them, educated by the experience.

I get to share my passion for the sport with my co-workers at the shop and with our customers and with my friends. When I am able to share some of my knowledge, share my enthusiasm, when I can see the light turn on for a beginning rider… Well, it makes it that much more fun for me. I started as the slowest rider on the Sunday morning rides at the shop and then I went to work for the shop and now I lead the Beginner-Intermediate rides. Giving back to the sport. I hope I help some of the riders grow and develop and then “graduate” from my ride to the faster/longer rides of the intermediate-expert ride.

My greatest joy is giving back to the sport. Working at the bike shop is part of that. I share the love of the sport.

I also ride charity rides. By giving a little money and riding in a ride to help a charity is a small way for me to give back. I volunteer to work support for one of the large local rides rather than ride myself. It is giving back to the cycling community.

If you don’t ride I recommend you give it a try.

My Bike

My Bike

If you do ride I hope we will ride together for a bit until we come to that fork in the road and you go right and I go left and we part with a shared “enjoy your ride”.

 

Peace.


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It has been rough


Misery

Shakespeare wrote of a “Winter of Discontent” being turned in to a “Glorious Summer”. It is a great metaphor for misery turning to joy.

This winter has been miserable. I am waiting for the joy that will come with summer. I am waiting for the pleasure of spring.

Between head colds, which I have had aplenty, head concussion (mercifully, just one), snow, ice and bitter and persistent cold temperatures, I have been miserable and, probably, miserable to deal with.

My weight has climbed. My fitness has dropped. My attitude is horrible. I still feel awful from the most recent head cold. This is not at all fun.

I am trying to look forward and it is difficult. Every weather forecast calls for more cold, more ice, and more snow. The long-range forecasts do not show the expected warming trends of mid-March.

I am less than two months from the first big ride of the year. Less than three months from my planned Century ride.

I have ridden eight miles this year. Eight. Miles. This is not what I had planned.

This winter has been the hardest since I began the Journey. Illness, weather, depression, injury.

I am fighting it. The fog from the concussion has cleared. I am left with the weather, depression and illness. I will go to the Doctor today if he is available. Get some idea why this cold lingers.

Makes it impossible to ride even on the wind trainer. Depression is not something that lifts from outside influences so much as from internal. That is the harder fight for me. I have to avoid the spiral down. Depression feeds inactivity and weight gain which feeds the depression. Fighting it.

Misery. I hate winter.

Fight it with Plans

So here it is. I am making plans.

I still have the goal of 4000 miles on the bike this year. It will be difficult but not impossible and I am going to try like hell to make it happen.

I have the rides planned:

  • Five-Boro Bike Tour
  • Ride for Autism
  • Hub on Wheels
  • Discover Hartford
  • Fall Foliage
  • Turkey-Bike VI

I plan to lead the Sunday Morning Shop Rides. If the weather cooperates I think we will get them going again soon. The snow has melted off some…

I am back to the good eating plan that got me to my goal weight and I am confident that I will get back to 200 pounds. I am at 216 right now. I am not happy about it at all but being unhappy doesn’t change anything. Set the goal. Work the plan.

The issue is the effect this miserable winter has had on my mind and body. I am just so unhappy. I want to ride. I want to hike. I want to get outside and burn some energy and, in so doing, energize.

That’s it, isn’t it? Getting outside and burning the energy actually energizes me. It gets the mind active. It gets the body moving. I may be tired after a long hike or a long ride but my SOUL is energized. The soul. That THING within that give us our self. That which we truly are.

I am not the grumpy, depressed and frustrated person this winter has made me out to be,

I am energetic, I am aggressive. I am a writer, I am a cook, I am a jokester, a prankster, a hiker, a walker, a cyclist… I am ready to kick winter right in the ass.

Peace


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Today


March 11

I turned 50 on March 11, 2011. I weighed somewhere around 300 pounds and my weight was climbing. If asked, I would have told you that I doubted I would see 55. I also would have told you that while I wanted to lose weight, I didn’t expect I would. I wasn’t doing a damned thing to make it happen.

I had lost some weight in 2004. I gained it back. I had lost weight in 2010. I gained it back.

I would have to admit that by 2011 I had accepted that I was a fat man. I was going to stay a fat man. I would die a fat man.

Between March 11, 2011 and December 27, 2011 something in me changed. Something fundamental to who I am and who I wanted to be changed and I really don’t know what. Simply put it really doesn’t matter. What matters is it did change. I did change.

By March 11, 2012 I had dropped to the 268 pounds. I went for a walk with The Younger One and I took a bike ride. It was 62 degrees and I got in a ten-mile ride. It was slow and it was difficult but I did it.

March 11, 2013 I weighed in at 203 pounds. I had a head cold much as I have one today. I was able to get in a ride on the Sunday before my birthday but this time I rode 30 miles despite some cold weather and the head cold.

And today I turn 53.

I again have a March Head Cold.

Riding my Synapse is good for my synapse.  Getting ready for this evening's ride

Riding my Synapse is good for my synapse. Getting ready for this evening’s ride

Finally the weather is good. It was 62 degrees when I got home from work. I changed in to my gear and I went for a short ride. I went only 8 miles. Loaded with cold medications and my head all congested…. But I rode. That is what matters. When presented with ample and legitimate excuses to not ride I still rode. I got in my Birthday Ride.

Today is more than a birthday.

Today is a good day for remembering and thinking and committing to continued progress.

My life has changed a great deal since December, 2011. Three birthdays now and I am a very different person. I am fit. I am lean. My mind is clearer and I am happier. I have kept this going since 2011. It is a part of me now.

There was a time in my life when I really would not have expected to make it to 53. So many of my friends did not. Here I am. Still riding. Still moving. Still on the Journey.

Birthday Cake

The Younger One begged and pleaded with Missus. He cajoled and he wheedled. He convinced Missus to make me a chocolate birthday cake.

How could I refuse a piece?

I didn’t. I have a nice sized piece and it was delicious.

Of course I ate a light dinner to prepare for the cake.

The Younger One had a piece as well. A nice thick piece. Just so I wouldn’t eat alone of course.

I have a very giving and caring son.

The Long Winter

I must be living right. Today was magnificent. In the mid-sixties and sunny even when I got home from work, It was perfect riding weather. It was exactly the sort of weather I love riding in. Nearly no wind and the temperature right in my comfort zone.

Tomorrow it will be cold and rainy. On Thursday there is a real possibility of snow and ice.

Somehow on my birthday we had beautiful weather.

It has been a long and unhappy winter. Today I rode 8 miles and they are the first miles I have put on my bike this year.

And the winter is not over yet.

But the signs are there. The sun is higher in the sky. The snow begins to melt. The cold spells are shorter.

Spring will be here and I will be healthy and I will ride.

And the Journey will continue.

I will get out and get in some hikes before working at the shop on weekends. I will get in early morning ride on the weekends and I will get in some evening rides during the week.

It is all this and more that fuels me. It is this that keeps me on my Journey. The plans and the goals. The memories to be made of standing on a bluff and looking over the Hudson, of flying along a country road on a solo ride, of sharing the companionship of good people as we pedal along in a group ride.

It is the view in the mirror when I see the me I am now. It is the disbelief when I look at pictures taken of me only three birthdays ago. It is the knowledge that while it is not always difficult it will ever be easy and I am good with that. I am ready.

When I was 50 years old and 300 plus pound I didn’t think I would make 53. I have no idea why I was OK with that.

Now I am 53 years old. I am a Father. I am a Husband. I am a Brother and an Uncle and a Cousin and a Friend.

It took me many years to understand the value in being all that. It took me many years to understand that I was the value in being all that.

Yes. Spring is coming. It has been a long winter.

Peace


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Recovery


A Day Off Work

I burned a “Personal” day today. Couldn’t be happier about it.

Truth be told, I should have taken much of the week after the concussion off but I worked. I shouldn’t have. The lack of resting led to some questionable decisions. For the most part they were harmless and I caught myself before they could affect my place of work or anyone working with me. One decision I was properly chastised for by one of my bosses. I was fine driving. Fact is I am better sitting down. I feel almost normal when seated and I know I am focused better.

It is while standing or walking…..

So today I took the day off. I slept later than normal (7:00 am ) and I went to the shop and had some training on a product line the shop carries. Some of it stuck I am sure.

Then I had lunch with Missus and the Older One.

Then I slept.

Three hours.

A deep and restful sleep. Wrapped in the covers, head deep in the pillows, dog at my feet. Sleep in all its glory and pleasure. Restful darkness. Time out for the brain.

I awoke around five PM and then I came down and we prepared dinner.

I feel so much better already.

Giving the brain time to rest.

I needed that.

Vegetarian

I will never be a “true” vegetarian, not as long as I am unwilling to give up sushi and lox. I am however getting closer. I had some sushi today at lunch. Otherwise it was all vegetables. Dinner tonight was vegetarian. Not by design really. It just is happening that way. When selecting what we want for diner we are choosing meatless much more often than not.

I haven’t gone this direction because I am indignant over the killing of animals for food. I am not thrilled by that fact but it is not the motivation behind my change in eating habits.

I did this for my health.

I did this to lower my blood pressure, improve my cholesterol and such.

And it has worked.

It continues to work.

Tonight’s dinner is a good example of how we like to eat now.

IMG_1661I saw a recipe on-line for cauliflower coated in a yogurt sauce and roasted. Made that tonight. Delicious. We treated that as our main dish and the side dish was Navratan Korma, a dish of mixed vegetables made in a cashew sauce with pineapple. I didn’t make that. I microwaved it. We buy these dishes at the local Indian Market. I love them. All natural, no colors added, no preservatives and they are delicious. They are also silly inexpensive…

Served with some warmed Naan this all made for a very good dinner.

No, I don’t miss meat in my meals.

I do miss the taste. I have to say that. But I don’t want to eat it and I don’t feel any temptation to eat it.

Recipe

Ingredients

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

2 heads cauliflower

1½ cups plain Greek yogurt

1 lime, zested and juiced

2 tablespoons chili powder

1 tablespoon cumin

1 tablespoon garlic powder

1 teaspoon curry powder

2 teaspoons kosher salt

1 teaspoon black pepper

Directions

  1. Preheat the oven to 400° and lightly grease a small baking sheet with vegetable oil. Set aside.
  2. Trim the base of the cauliflower to remove any green leaves and the woody stem.
  3. In a medium bowl, combine the yogurt with the lime zest and juice, chili powder, cumin, garlic powder, curry powder, salt and pepper.
  4. Dunk the cauliflower into the bowl and use a brush or your hands to smear the marinade evenly over its surface. (Excess marinade can be stored in the refrigerator in an airtight container for up to three days and used with meat, fish or other veggies.)
  5. Place the cauliflower on the prepared baking sheet and roast until the surface is dry and lightly browned, 30 to 40 minutes. The marinade will make a crust on the surface of the cauliflower.
  6. Let the cauliflower cool for 10 minutes before cutting it into wedges and serving alongside a big Green Salad

Growing concerned about my Annual Birthday Ride

Since I started the Journey of mine I have made it my practice to ride at least 10 miles on or close to my early March birthday.

My birthday is about 14 days from now and the long-term forecast does not hold much hope for warming. Snow is forecast for this weekend. The weekend after is forecast (at this early date) to remain cold and wet. The weekend after my birthday….

Maybe I can rent a fat bike at the shop…..

fat bikes and Cross Country Skiing

fat bikes and Cross Country Skiing

More Sleep

I feel tired. My head is still hurting. I feel better than I did yesterday. Yesterday was better than the day before.

I really had minimized head concussions. Never could understand why a ball player would miss most of a season from a concussion.

I understand now.

Mine is not that bad. Well, I am not trying to do sports at a pro level and I am afraid to even think about riding outside even if the weather was not a factor.

So I will go to sleep early tonight. Get some rest. Sleep a good deep sleep.

Do yourself a favor.

When the Doctor tells you to rest, REST.

Peace


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A short post tonight


Bubble Head.

A short post tonight because I am tired. This concussion has taken and continues to take quite a bit out of me. I was told to expect this but we all like to think we are special and I wanted to think I would somehow NOT suffer the consequences to the degree I was told to expect.

concussionI am not special.

It is always a crushing blow when I realize that.

I worked at the shop yesterday and today and I HOPE I didn’t mess up the transaction much. I did sell a few bikes but I keep forgetting how many.

It was all in all a normal weekend if I felt anything close to normal.

The best I can describe it is a I feel like a bubble head. It feels like my head is light and unfocused. You should see just how badly I am typing. If not for spell check and the backspace key this would be utterly unreadable.

If I was sane I would have taken a few days off from both jobs, gotten a Doctor’s note … I am not sane.

The plusses: my balance is slowly returning. I went up and down a 6-foot step-ladder today without falling. This is a plus. I shouldn’t’ have done it but I was lucky in that the customer helped me as I took a bike down from the upper rack. Normally I would never pass the bike off to the customer. I did this time.. Then I realized just how dumb going up the ladder was.

Yesterday and today were passable cycling days and I did no cycling. I don’t trust my balance that much yet.

I am fine driving. I feel ok behind the wheel of the car and I am ok sitting here and typing but, as mentioned, my typing is worse than normal.

A week to ten days my doctor told me.

Today is the 8th day. If I don’t feel much better on Tuesday I will go back to the doctor.

Still Behaving

My weight is stable at 214 right now. Still being good, still behaving. I did have a couple of light days the last two so that is good. I expect it will start to move down again soon. I will be glad to see the low-end of 210 again.

I will be so glad to supplement the eating with exercise. Wish it would warm up

Snow predicted for Tuesday night.

I am off to sleep.

Peace


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OUCH


I Crashed HARD

In the words of my oldest brother, the one who played Rugby into his late forties despite being half the size and twice the age of the other players, “that good health stuff is going to kill you.”

I do try to stay active. Despite the snowy and cold winter to which we have been subjected, I have tried to keep moving. Not always have managed but I have tried.

I have not ridden a single foot outside on my bike this year. Too much snow, too narrow and icy roads….

I did, however, have an opportunity to get in some cross-country skiing.

The Monument in the distance from the Patio at the Lodge

The Monument in the distance from the Patio at the Lodge

High Point State Park is, as the name implies, the highest point in the state of New Jersey. A mere 1803 feet above sea-level, it does not impress people from New England and it is barely a foot hill to people from the west. It is ours and we love it. The state runs cross-country ski trails around the park when the snow fall will allow and this year the snow fall allows…

I asked the owner of the Bike shop if I could start and hour late on Sunday, he said yes and so early on Sunday morning I drove the 45 minutes from my home to High Point, paid my $18.00 for a trail pass (which is ridiculous…) and off I went.

I was the first person out on the trails! Fresh snow! I was having a blast! About 1 km from the lodge I had to cross an asphalt paved road. Now here is where we come to the part of the story where I say “I knew better” because I did. I do. I know and I knew better than to do what I did.

You see, though I have been cross-country skiing since 1990 (there was a ten-year period when I didn’t at all) I have never been “Good” at it. Truth be told I am pretty bad at it. I am clumsy, not at all smooth, never get in to that nice rhythm that “good” skiers get in to. I consider it a great day on the trails if I only fall 4 or 5 times. I know it will happen and so I have become quite good at falling. Despite this I really enjoy the skiing and I love the feel of the cold air and the special quiet of the woods after a snow fall.

So I came upon this asphalt paved road. Covered in snow. Sloping down across the level trail.

I knew better.

I knew I should take off my skis and walk across. It is exactly what I did when I skied the same trail last year.

I didn’t do that. I got stupid.

I tried to ski across the road.

If it had not been snow-covered I would have walked across because I would not have wanted to damage my skis on the road surface.

It was snow-covered.

I got stupid.

I tried to ski across.

Now to understand this you need to understand what I mentioned above. The trail was level. The road crossed it at 90 degrees and sloped down to the left.

If I had entered the road left ski first this probably would not have happened the way it did. I would have ended up sitting on my rump, questioning my sanity. I would have kicked the skis off, stood up, walked across the rest of the way and reminded myself to walk across on the way back. It would have been an amusing little story to tell on myself.

I entered right ski first.

There was ice under that snow.

The right ski slid left and before I could even think about the fact that I was falling I hit the road HARD. Damned HARD. Painfully hard.

I landed on my right side. My shoulder taking most of the impact. That drove my arm in to my ribs. My head snapped violently to the right and hit the road. I rolled on to my back and laid still for a moment, assessing the situation, hoping the stars would clear out of my eyes, trying to determine just how bad this fall was.

It was not good.

After a moment I figured out nothing was broken (as far as I could tell) and I could probably get up OK. I popped off the skis and I did get up just before the plow truck came through. Despite the ringing in my ears and the pain on my right side that started at my lower rib cage and continued unabated to the top of my right ear, I crossed the road and continued skiing. For about 200 yards. At that point the pain in my right side and the ringing in my head convinced me I should start back towards the lodge.

Here is the kicker: I was still having fun. I was hurting. I was hurting a great deal but I was enjoying being outside, skiing and feeling the cold and that special quiet after a new snow.

At some Point I noticed that I had broken my left ski pole and I was having trouble controlling the left ski due to problem with the binding. I actually skied past the lodge and went up a side trail when I finally gave in to the broken equipment and the aching body and I went home.

I showered and dressed and I drove to the bike shop to work, arriving on time for work despite it all.

All day long it sounded like I had my head in a bucket. I felt light-headed and I needed to sit down often. My neck was now tightening up and I was exhausted.

I went to work on Monday and after not sleeping well Sunday night I was really feeling it all over. I couldn’t turn my neck to the right, my shoulder wouldn’t let me lift my arm over my head and my head was still not feeling right.

Missus made an appointment with the Doctor for me and after the usual tests and such he declared that I had suffered a head concussion. He sent me for x-rays on my neck and told me to get a few days of bed rest and be prepared to not feel right for a week to ten days, go to the emergency room if I start to vomit or lose consciousness….

OUCH

OUCH

I rested all day yesterday. Really had no choice. I would not have been good behind the wheel of a car. I went to work today but came home early. Too light-headed and out of balance when I was standing. It is the tiredness that really bothers me. And the Nausea. Well Ok, most everything about this bothers me: neck pain, rib pain, arm pain, headache, dizziness… Crashing is not fun at all.

I have to work tomorrow and Friday. I am conducting the monthly safety training. The Topic is “Slips, Trips and Falls”. I couldn’t make this up.

I wish I could say I have learned some sort of lesson beyond “don’t try to cross a road on your skis”. I haven’t. At least none that comes to mind right now. I am only disappointed that I won’t be able to get out and ski again next weekend.

Maybe the lesson is to listen to the owner of the bike shop and take up snow shoeing.

The Journey and a Detour

I wish I could report that my weight has held steady and I have been keeping my eating in check as this cold winter has moved along. I can’t. I am over 215 pounds right now. I am not happy with myself at all. I can think of many excuses for this slip but they are just that, excuses. The simple fact is I have slipped. I have been eating more than I have been burning. I have been finding reasons to eat more than I have been and I am paying the price with a climb in my weight.

Today I got back to the plan: Light breakfast, light lunch, light afternoon snack (an orange today) and a good dinner. Later I will have a simple light snack of a slice of bread and a slice of cheese. This is what got me to 200 pounds. This is what will get me back there.

I will write daily again. Even if I think I have nothing to say. That focus of reporting on the Journey helped me get there. I slipped away from it and I have paid the price.

I suppose we all have slips and trips and falls.

The real problem isn’t that you slipped or tripped or fell on your Journey. The real problem is failing to get back up.

I am getting back up.

Peace.


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Thoughts on a Cold Tuesday Night


This is getting to me

Winter is getting to me.

It feels like it is never ending. Bitter cold. Wind. Snow.

It seems like a bad dream…

I can’t get outside and enjoy. Time is a constraint. I can’t take the time to go cross country skiing. The weather won’t let me ride. I am not enjoying this one little bit

I am feeling the winter blues.

Vegetarian (almost)

Tonights dinner.  Fairly typical.  Vegan Chili, stir fried veggies, naan and chutney

Tonights dinner. Fairly typical. Vegan Chili, stir fried veggies, naan and chutney

I have been drifting this way for two years. It started with the decision in March 2012 to no longer eat red meats. Slowly I drifted away from eating poultry. There was no decision in this case. I just drifted away from it. I cannot remember the last time I had poultry….

Slowly vegetarian dishes replaced the fish dishes and now I have fish only once a week or so.

I have never been healthier. Blood pressure, cholesterol, hear rate… All my blood numbers are great.

So why not go all the way? The only dairy I consume is the milk in my coffee and on my cereal and cream cheese on my bagel. Once in a while I have some cheese on my veggie burger….

I could go all the way to vegetarian. Fact is it would not be hard for me to go vegan. I really don’t want to give up cream cheese and lox. Yep. That is it. The only reason I have not gone vegetarian is lox and the reason I don’t go vegan is lox and cream cheese.

Strange reasons to not do it but I am not ready to give up those two foods.

Maybe someday….

I am Still a fat man.

I have taken some heat for this but I will say it again anyway:

Being obese is like being an alcoholic.

Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.

Once a fat man, always a fat man.

I am not longer medically obese. Not at 210 pounds and 73 inches. Not medically. Not officially. Not on the insurance forms…

But I am inside. In the makeup of my body and my brain I am still Obese. My body, my brain still craves much more food than I eat. I am still prone to overeat if I don’t pay strict attention. I am still sorely tempted to eat that donut, have that pizza, eat 10 cookies…

I know very well how easily the weight comes back. Much faster than it comes off.

I can’t for a minute stop thinking about it. I sit down to a meal and I have to plan it out. Every bit that I order. Every morsel that I eat. I have to plan it.

If I don’t I gain weight. Simple as that.

With this winter, with the inter blues and the lack of exercise, and all the other reasons, excuses, explanations, causes….

I gained 8 pounds. It happened FAST.

I looked away for a moment and the moment was 8 pounds on me.

I drifted up slowly from 205 to 208 and suddenly I was looking at 216.

I am now back to 212.

It is going the right way again.

It happened so fast.

I have no excuses. I simply lost sight for a brief moment. I stopped thinking, focusing, watching…

Back at it.

My goal is to be 205 on my birthday in March.

This is never going to end, this Journey of mine.

I’m Ok with that.

Peace