Not a Fan
When I was a teen and then in to my early twenties I enjoyed the cold. It rarely bothered me. I would shovel the snow in a T-shirt. I walked two miles after a blizzard to see my girlfriend when I was sixteen. Winter was not a problem for me.
It is now.
I hate the cold. Truly hate it. I rarely ride in the winter. I barely get out to hike. I dream of a job transfer to the dessert southwest….
I haven’t cross-country skied this winter. Not nearly enough snow most of the time and a little leery of it since my concussion last winter.
So I sit and wait for spring.
Winter? Not a fan.
Plans for Spring
I have the usual bike ride planned this year. I am doing the 5-Boro Bike tour again. I went off the deep edge and paid for the VIP package so I can be sure to start near the front of the 32,000 riders. Nuts? Yes.
I am doing the Ride for Autism as I do every year. It is the one ride it would hurt me to miss. Eighteen people have signed up to ride as a member of the team. I hope we get more before the ride in June.
I hope to lead the beginner/intermediate bike rides again for the shop. If I don’t lead I will still partake.
I didn’t come anywhere close to my mileage goal last year. I hope to get the miles in this year. If all goes well I may be able to limit working at the shop to Sundays. That would certainly make Saturday an easier day to get in the miles… Maybe get some club rides in. I haven’t ridden with the club in three years. I pay dues… I really should get out on a club ride or two.
Spring is only 6 weeks away, not matter what the forecasting rodent says….
This time of year there is a positive for me: I cook. I make soups. Pot upon pot of soup. Today I made my “everything in the pot” veggie soup. Whatever is in the fridge and the freezer and is considered a vegetable gets tossed in and I cook it until it is soup. Today it was mushroom, onion, kale, corn, broccoli, sugar snap peas, tomato and tofu. Cover with water, season, cook…
I served it with Udon noodles… It made for a wonderful dinner.
Tomorrow I will roast some squash and make roasted squash soup… Fill up the freezer, it is a long winter.
I also plan to bake some breads. I am picking up a computer from a friend and I am going to bring him some breads to thank him for his help. Good man. Deserves some fresh-baked breads.
I love to cook. I just wish I could get out of the house… I need to hike… I need to bike… Cooking will have to do. And the treadmill….
I am doing OK. Not great. OK. I have put on a little weight, 10 pounds, this winter. It is slowly coming down. Lost 5 last week. Want to lose 20 more by the end of March and then 20 more by June.
I sometimes stop fighting the fight. I admit it is hard to always say no to pizza and cookies and donuts. I do. I still do. But the fight is hard.
I have been fighting The Black Dog again. It has had the upper hand recently but I can feel that I am pulling out of it. Missus is so tolerant when I am in the cave. She waits, knowing I will pull out of it somehow.
I have some very big decisions to make and I am struggling with the choices. It isn’t always easy to know what to do with one’s life. I am still trying to decide what to be when I grow up and here I am in my mid 50’s….
So eat right, eat less, move more….
It is always a struggle. I will not be fat again.
A Little of my prose:
One advantage to being depressed is I write….
I wrote this last week.
Sitting on the hill, waiting to take photographs in old style with film, sitting on the ledge looking out to the valley with a camera ready in hand. Looking for that moment when the light would be just right, the perfection realized, sitting still up on the hill waiting for the sun to set.
Sitting in the special quiet and looking out to the distance where a bird is gliding. Sitting waiting for that perfect moment in old style with film, when the moment would be just right, nearly perfect, sky and earth one.
Sitting, now watching as the sun begins to set, sitting on that ledge, sitting as the slight chill sends a shudder along the arms. Sitting on that ledge as the sky begins to glow a softer light, nearly perfect, nearly right. Sitting on that hill with the old camera in hand, film is wound and shutter cocked and the light is nearly there.
Sitting on the hill with the camera at the ready, sitting watching for that moment coming soon, with the sky now orange and the clouds now fringed with light, sitting on the ledge, feet near the edge, watching for that perfect moment, that perfect light. The sun now setting in amber, the sky now perfect, the moment is now and then nothing.
Sitting on the hill, the moment passes, camera hanging from the hand, the sky was perfect, too perfect to photograph in old style on film. The moment committed to memory where it will stay in perfect light. Now standing, now walking away from the ledge.